my time at... SMBI!

Life at SMBI is amazing. (I would have said awesome, but then again- in Discovering Our God we learned that only God is Awesome. Not the new dress, or the car.)

I walked through those doors with mixed feelings. A new place. A new world. And totally new people- other than a handful of friends from back home. Uhh, I guess it was "back home", literally you aren't that far away from home at 45 min. but this was definitely home away from home.

I will have a hard time forgetting the great times we had in (and out) of the SMBI doors. Tour was definitely my favorite part aside from the missions trip we took for Personal Evangelism class to State College.

It was a great time for me to figure out who I really am. I think that every person should experience this- just ask me- I was NEVER going to go to Bible School- there was nothing that was more silly than that!

Starbucks outings

Or the little place I fell in love with- yes, at first sight too. :)

HeBrews Coffee Co.

 I never realized my laugh was such an amazing thing. I guess to me it's just normal, but I had so many people talking about my laugh- really guys, it was embarrassing! But it's ok. :)

A few highlights:

Tournaments

The fruit basket my dear mother prepared for me- instead of eating snack foods

StuCo devotions in the little white chapel

Thanksgiving Vaca at home and with Steph!!

Dressing up like Muslims for Personal Evangelism 

Going to Mercersburg Academy for the Christmas program (and the AWESOME sunset that evening- no the picture doesn't even give 1/4 credit!)

The Girl's dorm Gift Exchange

Melody's Chai in Discovering Our God

Banquet night, the Wolfer's lambs, Mary's song

I never realized while there how secure it was. Everyone had a story, everyone accepted that, everyone was cool with who you were. It didn't really matter if you were "cool" or not. (Or maybe that was something I missed...) If it was feasible, I'd live there- well, no, maybe not... But I am thinking pretty seriously about going back... :) 

I can't think of one thing that happened there that doesn't bring a flood of memories, smiles and maybe even an occasional outburst of laughter- yeah, for those of you who know me- you now what I'm talking about. :)

I pray that each of us will continue to seek God with that fervent love we cultivated at bible school.

when did it happen?

And so, today found me- awake by 4:30 and at work before 5. The cloudy, cold atmosphere made everyone wish for a blanket, good book, {coffee}, and some music. AND... guess what, I got just that. Well, minus the blanket, I'm quite okay without. :) And after my coffee, I got the second cup of [fresh, hot cider]. The raindrops hit the window- racing to the bottom, the leaves- they are making their way the earth's green floor. It's October. A beautiful time of year- really what time isn't?

---      ---      ---      ---      ---       ---      ---      ---       ---      ---      ---      ---      ---

Working through difficult things isn't fun.

Much less watching your friends be hurt and stay hurt isn't fun either. That's why I try my best to help where I can. I know how it feels to be hurt. Rejected. I know the freedom I feel, why wouldn't someone want to accept the Love Jesus offers. But teens of this age and time no longer see the need for Him in their life. (Oh, how ironic coming from a teen, eh?)

And so as I was thinking over this all, it came to me- when did the church at large start losing it? When did they start losing Jesus? When they started allowing cars? Sunday School? Music? Different styles of head-coverings--or none at all?  Youth outings?

I believe with all my heart- it was actually when the appearance became more "saving" than a heart experience. When the size of the head-covering became a "life or death" issue. When suspenders became mandatory. And the size of check you tithed made you "buddy buddy" with the preacher. and When Pastors became "holier than thou".

It's so sad to see some so conservative. Wrapped and twisted into tradition and don't know why they do things, except out of fear for what may happen (to their church membership) and what people will say.

Life is much more than trying to please man. You won't ever please everyone. I'm sorry if you're convinced you can. You're wrong.

Only Jesus can give you the {Peace} you've been looking for.

We Are Yours -I Am They

beauty.

Maybe I just tend to be more optimistic than most people. But I love taking walks. Picking wild flowers. Finding joys in dirtiness. Loving deeply. And yeah, getting hurt. It teaches so much.

Beauty isn't just the skin though. Look deeper. Feel. Listen. You don't just SEE beauty.

Try finding something beautiful in each day. The icky. Ugly. And messy. 

And of course, it doesn't take work to find beauty in something that is already beautiful. 

rubies camp 2015.

And with a grateful, over flowing heart, I present to you-

These ladies have taught me so much about myself. About others. And most importantly drew me closer to God- knowing I could not make it on my own.

We had a great week including

• getting rained out while playing softball
• Jug-A-Lug
• Swimming
• Cabin Time / Talking
• Devotions / Sharing
• Life Stories / Sharing Time around the Camp-fire
• watching God work in their hearts 
• all the wonderful food including the Pizza we won for Cleanest Cabin! :)
• "Of course you can't play with us! You don't have a shiny scale to play flash tag!"
• Clifton's blessing- the "Ticklish Reuben" song
• Trevor doing like 130 push-ups (nearly double his record)
• Pastor Jeff sitting on our barrel in "Slingshots"
• the party Thursday night / watching for meteors
• the huge spiders downstairs

And of course, many other things like Mini-Classes and Creek Walks...

Sooo. Here's the picture tour of our week... :)

Pastor Jeff in "Water Balloon Slingshots"

and who DOESN'T like getting mail?

whoever would have thought this stuff
would come in so handy?!

the EPIC fail

And with that we ended a very wonderful week. A week that will never be forgotten. Maybe to a degree, but not totally. Each of us will remember something. If it isn't something I did. We did. Jeff said. Trevor did. We will remember what God did! 
Love each of you beautiful ladies!

listen.

Too many times, I listen to reply. Not understand. I read emails to reply, not fully think through them and understand their heart. I read letters. But do I really understand their heart? Do I understand why? Do I laugh at something that is important to them? 

I pray that I would become the person God wants me to be- listening to understand their heart. Not reply to what was just said.

More.

I always loved the way the ad for Radio Theatre's Oliver Twist started out- "More?""You want some MORE?!" It was so captivating- it always caught my attention.

And then I started thinking of today's kids, teens, people in general. I believe every single one of them is screaming "More?" with all their hearts. The next best thing comes out and they need that too. Nothing is ever new long, before the next thing comes out. I can't even get out of the local Sprint store with a "new" cellphone. Yeah, it may be new, but it's not the latest device.

All you have to do is go to the American's most famous, Wal-Mart to see kids, teens, people saying "more". Some go to the extent of throwing fits if they can't get what they want.

But so many people need <MORE JESUS>.

They are looking for more in all the wrong places. 

There is 2 sides of the road to this one. You can go to the side and get in the rut of- we need more more rules, we need to follow more closely to tradition, more church services, more good looks, etc. Or the opposing of we need more drugs, more cigarettes, more friends, more music, more things. Things that fill that void in our life. Really both sides of the story here are quite similar. They are both looking for THINGS to fill the void up. They don't really know what Jesus could do to that big gaping hole in their life. That hole that calls for (I'm talking from a girls perspective here, so guy's just flip this around) boy-friends, assurance that you won't be :Forever Alone:. If you knew Jesus and He lived in your heart- trust me- you're NEVER alone! 

Things can't take the place of more Jesus. Only Jesus can take that- so they can search and search for a million years and they still won't feel satisfied with themselves and what they've accomplished.

Un...Qualified

Rubies Camp has been on my mind very much recently. I feel so un- yeah, I forget what that word is. Sometimes unreal would explain how I feel. Sometimes unlearned would work better. And unqualified would definitely fit the best.

Why would I qualify to be counseling these girls for a week? Why would I qualify to be there for these girls? Most likely I'll end up being their hero or their best enemy. Hopefully not the latter, but from the polls taken last year- most of the counselors never did like their counselors when they went to camp! 

But then- how am I qualified to have a higher ranking job than the girls that have been working at the farm for 2-3 years?

Why am I qualified to be learning so much at such a younger age? Soul-ties. Witch-craft. Occultism. Matriarchal Spirit. Why?

qual·i·fied

ˈkwäləˌfīd/

adjective

adjective: qualified

1. 1.

   officially recognized as being trained to perform a particular job; certified.

   
   

   • competent or knowledgeable to do something; capable.

     
     
2. 2.

   not complete or absolute; limited.                                                                                                        
3. 
   

I realize that any people do not know Jesus. Personally. They don't know Him. They just act it. Dress it. And- yes, it turns into an occult. But that's beside the point. But how am I qualified to know this stuff? Why can't the whole world know this? Why am I qualified to be raised in a Christian family? A God reverencing, hand-raising, worshiping family? 

I have a heart for the people that don't know. I want to tell them. They are all around me. Right next door- witchcraft reigns, the Jezebel spirit has ruled for many years. Satan laughs. Just what he wanted all along. 

I've been called to love those who don't know anything comparable to what I do. I've been called to tell them about the Jesus I know. The Jesus that saved me. The God Who is much bigger and better than any celebrity, $$, etc. There is nothing to live for if you don't know my God. My prayer is that I can and will be Jesus to the people I meet.

I have been qualified for some things like being Christ to the less-than lovable girl, the hurt boy, the screaming for help loner (no, that's not literal. Loners are quiet.). Being called is qualification enough. What has God qualified you for?

1. 
   

When It Really Hurts but You Find Love

What on earth am I here for?

I was asking myself this question the other day- when matter of fact was there were some things going on in my life that weren't exactly wished for. Things that did not make me feel very loved, wanted, or at all accepted. 

Then while I was bottling milk Friday, I had lots of time to just stand there and think about everything. Bottling was going extremely good. Everything was going so smooth. Compared to all the other times I had bottled- this time we made absolutely NO mistakes, the bottler wasn't trying to eat any bottles (well, it never tried to, but it would damage the bottles), no bottles had fallen on the floor- I was feeling proud of us. :) And I knew even though it made me happy, it made the boss happier. 

Working closely with people I realize that many to all of us feel the same.  Sometimes we feel forgotten, left out, unwanted. We try everything in our power to become something, make something out of ourselves. But only God has the key. He's the One that makes everything out of nothing. He's the One that makes less than desirable things happen. He's the One who sent His only Son to die for me. Isn't that reason enough to feel loved? I mean, if you were in a mob and someone pulled a gun to your head- wouldn't you fell absolutely indebted if a lowly, plain dressed- almost ragged man that has air of authority would step in and get shot instead? That's love. He loved you enough to know that there's something else that has to happen in your life before it's your time to leave. 

He loved you and wants to know you very personally. He wants to know what makes you upset, He wants to know when you're hurt. And even though He already knows- He wants to hear it straight from you.

He cares. 

Where He leads, I will follow.

I want to make Him happy- making Him happy makes me happy.

my Mom

My Mom is an absolute beauty.

Her heart is even prettier. She loves so deeply. She puts so much time in to us. 

For last 2 decades she's supplied us with 3 meals almost every single day.  She got up in the wee hours of the morning to pack Daddy a lunch and kiss him good-bye to another long hard day on the road. And start the laundry. Then a couple hours later she'd pull herself out of bed again to get us up and off to school, etc. She's an amazing woman.

Now, Daddy doesn't leave until about 6:45. So it's actually luxury. But her life is still stressful as a home-school Mom, who also works at the farm when needed, and keeps our elderly neighbors flowerbeds and garden. She's seen alot in her 40+ years on this ole earth. You can just see it in those serious, yet happy hazel eyes of hers.

But she's worried. Worried what her children will have to face 10, 20, 30, maybe even 60 years from now. She has wrapped her being in to raising us in a good home. A home where you can see Jesus in everything done. 

She loves to relax and have fun with us all at the cabin. Sing. And just have time to spend with the family. Going on dates with Daddy and walking at the park.

She's amazing. She has contributed a big part to my life. 

We've hurt each-other deeply, but grace is great.

To all the wonderful Moms- you are amazing. Keep up the amazing work. You have girls and boys watching you every moment- gathering information and one day will be following in your footsteps.

Happy Mother's Day!

*********************************************************************************

Cities intrigue me. Bridges, trains, cars, people.

This weekend we went to the CHAP convention. It's a convention for homeschoolers. 

Had a bunch of fun with these crazy girls.

I was the oldest and it was very obvious too. I went to bed around 10:30- I woke up the next morning and they said- "Yeah, we talked till 3!" Wow! I remember those days! :)

The next morning, we packed up and then went back down to the river. The breeze over the night had cooled everything down- it was gorgeous.

We walked awhile and met a man in a wheelchair. I had suggestion we at least say "Hi". Then he launch into a life story and we talked for awhile. Its amazing what you can learn from older people- sometimes I was hoping he was lying or at least stretching the truth, but he did make a good story teller. :) 

I fell in love with everything. I hope to go back to CHAPs again. It was tons of fun. Meeting people. Making new friends. Hanging out with the crazies. And meeting people, I NEVER expected to meet.

To Help and Be Helped

You know that moment you know you should be freeing yourself from the torment. The pain you've been dealing with for the last several years. But it scares you. You don't want to feel that raw, open pain. Being ripped apart, so vulnerable to outside world? But you know after the pain is gone then comes the happiness, the joy you see in others lives who have already become so vulnerable.

The brokenness. The pain. The vulnerability. The trust. It all takes time, but in the end you will look back and never regret it.

We never experience something Jesus didn't deal with. He knows. He understands. And He wants you to live free. Free of guilt. Free of shame. Free of hiding.

You will NEVER regret it. Not once.

kintsukuroi (n.) (v.phr.) "to repair with gold"; the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken

Jesus can kintsukuroi. But only if you let him.

Heal The Wound

I used to wish that I could rewrite history

I used to dream that each mistake could be erased

Then I could just pretend

I never knew me back then

I used to pray that You would take this shame away

Hide all the evidence of who I've been

But it's the memory of

The place You brought me from

That keeps me on my knees

And even though I'm free

Heal the wound but leave the scar

A reminder of how merciful You are

I am broken, torn apart

Take the pieces of this heart

And heal the wound but leave the scar

I have not lived a life that boasts of anything

I don't take pride in what I bring

But I'll build an altar with

The rubble that You've found me in

And every stone will sing

Of what You can redeem

Don't let me forget

Everything You've done for me

Don't let me forget

The beauty in the suffering

My prayer is each of you would find healing in your suffering. Jesus dealt with the pain. He hung on that cross for you. For me. He could have hung there. The pain wouldn't have had to register. But it did. He let it. He understood what you and I would go through. He wanted to save us.

Praise Jesus!