of jars and scars.

One of my pet peeves is reused jars that still have the wrap-around label on them...

AND SO... This morning I was washing the breakfast dishes and... there was two of those horrible jars... It was nearing 8:00 and I really should have been going to work, but I scrubbed those crazy labels off- or at least I tried. That glue stuck hard, I laid it- glue down into the water and hoped that till I finished the rest of the dishes it would decide the use of sticking was no longer revelant. And then it struck me- that jar was scarred. It as scarred for a reason. It was not really a BAD thing, but it was to teach me a lesson.

What I've been through does not define WHO I am, WHAT I've made of myself, because without Christ- I'm NOTHING. What others think of me should not affect what I know Jesus has done for me. I know He has set me free- no, that does not mean I live a perfect life. No, that doesn't mean I don't ever mess up. And no, that doesn't mean some people have a hard time forgiving me for what I've done. But I love the word picture When God Ran paints. He forgives. And He loves me none-the-less. I feel so unworthy, but He loves me just the same, even if I wouldn't accept it. I'm flawless- you're flawless. The mistakes you've made don't define you. The scars you have are meant to teach you. To carve you into the person God wants you to be. You don't need to hide them to be perfectly whole.

>>Praise God, we don't have to hide scars
They just (strengthen our wounds), and they soften our hearts.
{They remind us of where we have been, but not who we are}.<<

fear of the Holy.

It was so revitalizing to come home from an amazing sermon this morning and just think. Ponder. Ponder things in my life. Think about how truly selfish I am... (I'm so thankful God is a forgiving God.)

I also had time to sit, relax, enjoy some *black* coffee, music, and curl up with a book. The book that I flew through at SMBI so that I could accomplish the 600 word essay before the deadline... I thoroughly enjoyed reading it then- it seemed deeper than Tozer, but I think I was reading too fast- trying to comprehend too much. Mike Bickle, the author of Passion for Jesus has inspired me greatly and given me many answers to questions that none-the-less haunted me.

As I was reading, I was searching for a reason why Christians today seem so shallow (this has been a search I've been on for several months). AND I found the answer! (At least, I'm pretty sure I did!) And I can't really say it in another way and be effective, so here goes...

"If we have no fear of God, nor the fear of consequences, then we will easily break His commands. The downward spiral of morality in our society is directly proportional to the loss of our understanding of the greatness of God. In the minds of many who believe there is a God, He is only a little more than an elected official-not to be taken too seriously when we disgrace Him."1 

He continues that God/Jesus is seemingly a Santa Claus now days. SomeOne who rains gifts of Mercy, Love and Grace, but has no Just or Angry attributes. Who judges with simple Love and Mercy? Not even a judge in a physical Court of Law today simply forgives injustice without punishment. God even more so. Tozer says it like this: "Between His attributes no contradictions can exist. He need not suspend one to exercise another, for in Him all His attributes are one."

I believe with all my heart that God will become real to many people in this generation if they open their eyes to the seriousness that the short span of life granted them holds. If their eyes' scales loosen and reveal the true God. The Holy God, the One who is Jealous. But if the people continue to see status more important, hope is slim. (and by the way, it's scary, because often when status is important to someone, it is hidden- the motive is not easily noticed in your own life.) 

The greatness of God is REAL. We have to face it like it's real. Understand it is real and worship Him.

1. Passion for Jesus (Cultivating Extravagant Love for God) by Mike Bickle pg.28

when did it happen?

And so, today found me- awake by 4:30 and at work before 5. The cloudy, cold atmosphere made everyone wish for a blanket, good book, {coffee}, and some music. AND... guess what, I got just that. Well, minus the blanket, I'm quite okay without. :) And after my coffee, I got the second cup of [fresh, hot cider]. The raindrops hit the window- racing to the bottom, the leaves- they are making their way the earth's green floor. It's October. A beautiful time of year- really what time isn't?

---      ---      ---      ---      ---       ---      ---      ---       ---      ---      ---      ---      ---

Working through difficult things isn't fun.

Much less watching your friends be hurt and stay hurt isn't fun either. That's why I try my best to help where I can. I know how it feels to be hurt. Rejected. I know the freedom I feel, why wouldn't someone want to accept the Love Jesus offers. But teens of this age and time no longer see the need for Him in their life. (Oh, how ironic coming from a teen, eh?)

And so as I was thinking over this all, it came to me- when did the church at large start losing it? When did they start losing Jesus? When they started allowing cars? Sunday School? Music? Different styles of head-coverings--or none at all?  Youth outings?

I believe with all my heart- it was actually when the appearance became more "saving" than a heart experience. When the size of the head-covering became a "life or death" issue. When suspenders became mandatory. And the size of check you tithed made you "buddy buddy" with the preacher. and When Pastors became "holier than thou".

It's so sad to see some so conservative. Wrapped and twisted into tradition and don't know why they do things, except out of fear for what may happen (to their church membership) and what people will say.

Life is much more than trying to please man. You won't ever please everyone. I'm sorry if you're convinced you can. You're wrong.

Only Jesus can give you the {Peace} you've been looking for.

We Are Yours -I Am They

When It Really Hurts but You Find Love

What on earth am I here for?

I was asking myself this question the other day- when matter of fact was there were some things going on in my life that weren't exactly wished for. Things that did not make me feel very loved, wanted, or at all accepted. 

Then while I was bottling milk Friday, I had lots of time to just stand there and think about everything. Bottling was going extremely good. Everything was going so smooth. Compared to all the other times I had bottled- this time we made absolutely NO mistakes, the bottler wasn't trying to eat any bottles (well, it never tried to, but it would damage the bottles), no bottles had fallen on the floor- I was feeling proud of us. :) And I knew even though it made me happy, it made the boss happier. 

Working closely with people I realize that many to all of us feel the same.  Sometimes we feel forgotten, left out, unwanted. We try everything in our power to become something, make something out of ourselves. But only God has the key. He's the One that makes everything out of nothing. He's the One that makes less than desirable things happen. He's the One who sent His only Son to die for me. Isn't that reason enough to feel loved? I mean, if you were in a mob and someone pulled a gun to your head- wouldn't you fell absolutely indebted if a lowly, plain dressed- almost ragged man that has air of authority would step in and get shot instead? That's love. He loved you enough to know that there's something else that has to happen in your life before it's your time to leave. 

He loved you and wants to know you very personally. He wants to know what makes you upset, He wants to know when you're hurt. And even though He already knows- He wants to hear it straight from you.

He cares. 

Where He leads, I will follow.

I want to make Him happy- making Him happy makes me happy.

Totally Abandoned

Abandoned! The very sound of the word shocks my heart.

¹aban·don

 transitive verb \ə-ˈban-dən\

: to leave and never return to (someone who needs
protection or help)

: to leave and never return to (something)

: to leave (a place) because of danger

1

a :  to give up to the control or influence of another person or agent

b :  to give up with the intent of never again claiming a right or interest in <abandon property>

2

:  to withdraw from often in the face of danger or encroachment <abandon ship>

3

:  to withdraw protection, support, or help from <he abandoned his family>

4

:  to give (oneself) over unrestrainedly

5

a :  to cease from maintaining, practicing, or using<abandoned their native language>

b :  to cease intending or attempting to perform <abandoned the escape>

While I was watching people stroll the halls of the mall the other evening, I was bored, tired, & couldn't stay focused on my books- that I probably SHOULD be reading, and music didn't appeal to me. But finally I saw a familiar face in the hall! A girl from Bible Study. She always seemed quiet and reserved, and yet, she was extremely fun to hang out with. 

What bothered me though was she saw me and didn't even attempt to wave or anything. I felt ABANDONED! Like she never wanted to see me in the first place. As I sat there feeling kind of sorry for myself, Jesus stepped in and said, "Look, Luronda, you've been doing this same thing to Me for a long time already.You haven't made much effort to come and enjoy what I have for you to revel in, instead, you work from before the sun's up till long after it's down, and never even take 10 min. for Me. Do you think I feel abandoned too?"

That hit me HARD. Here I was- rushing from one job to the next, wearing myself out- so that till I returned home again I was drained and in need of a bed, thinking tomorrow I'll have more time- I can take 10 or so extra minutes in my "Jesus time". 

How many of us abandon Him? We have so much going we decide that work is more important, sleep is more needed, and time hanging out with friends is necessary than taking time for Jesus to move in our lives and show us that He is the Most High- the most needed Person in our lives. My desire is to be Abandoned in Christ- then whether I feel left behind or unaccepted- I can be reassured that Jesus is beside me- no matter where I am- and He will never leave me- if I never leave Him!

The Donkey In Me

I had an hour to stand and think over how donkey-ish I can be sometimes... Dominic was chasing the boys so I ran down to hold him, (believe me-don't try that. You'll be wishing you wouldn't have after you have to go to the chiropractor, ‘cause he threw your back out of whack. And if you get asthma like me, you'll have to deal with that too.) But I had to think while I was standing there and he wasn't bucking around so bad, many times I stand and buck at what authority- and even what God, wants for me. Often I like grabbing the pen out of God's hands and writing my own story. I like my life to be just the way I want it to be- the way I dreamed, thought out, and planned. But sometimes what God has in store is so very different. He wants to write my story, in even a more orderly, and more beautiful fashion, to the point that I cannot understated why I can smile when only sad things seem to happen and when things do not go the way had expected them to. Only with God's amazing hand in our life can we enjoy life at its fullest- otherwise we have everything and anything to worry us.

Comparing, Surrendering, & Overcoming

         We often hear people saying, and we read it in the Bible, "Comparing yourselves among yourselves IS NOT WISE." And we all sit back and agree. Shake our heads and maybe even say "Amen." But then go ahead and do it anyway.
         Yeah, I'm not perfect either! I do it too. We walk into a crowd and immediately start comparing everyone. So, I'm better than that person over there, they did this and that and the other thing. But you know that person, yeah, they're really nice. They are so kind and loving, they seem to genuinely love everyone! I love having friends like that- I guess I'm just gonna avoid that other person as much as possible and hang out over here, cause surely I'm better than them and everyone would come in and see me talking to them- I'd get dumped in with that group of naughty little brats too! I don't want to be like that!  
          When we think like that, we feel superior to someone. We feel like we've got everything under control, our ball is rolling smoothly and if we do become "un-proud" enough to go talk to those certain individuals over there... the likely-hood of our ride becoming quite rough is very high!
           But then there's also the aspect that- you walk into a crowd of people and go sit in the corner all by yourself, because you don't feel good enough for any of them. They probably wouldn't have time to hear about all the BORING stuff that happens in my life and everything that interests me, because they are "part of the inside group" and of course, me, nope, I couldn't be part of any inside group if I tried, cause I think differently than everyone else. I like different things... Then we start feeling inferior and tell ourselves we are good-for-nothing jerks.
           The truth is that- We are neither inferior or superior to anyone. God made us all equal and if we are right standing with God. Nothing like that should bother us. I'm not saying we won't be temped to think that, but that is Satan coming to make us feel that way.
           One way to get rid of a thought like that- or any thought that comes creeping in from Satan is, to tell Jesus about it, tell Him, "Jesus, I give You this thought- I surrender it to Your obedience." You may have to do it several times, maybe even all day, hopefully not, but Satan is persistent! He comes slipping in like a lion on our peaceful thoughts and destroys all the peace we once had. It works. I use it, alot. And then Satan still comes in and says, "You're just telling yourself a BIG lie! You are still a GOOD-FOR-NOTHING JERK! No-one could care what happens to you anyway! They don't want to hear anything out of you- just keep your mouth closed and you'll be JUST FINE."
           Say it again, "Jesus, I give you this thought- I surrender it to Your obedience." We are over-comers in Christ. In Him we can do anything!