of jars and scars.

One of my pet peeves is reused jars that still have the wrap-around label on them...

AND SO... This morning I was washing the breakfast dishes and... there was two of those horrible jars... It was nearing 8:00 and I really should have been going to work, but I scrubbed those crazy labels off- or at least I tried. That glue stuck hard, I laid it- glue down into the water and hoped that till I finished the rest of the dishes it would decide the use of sticking was no longer revelant. And then it struck me- that jar was scarred. It as scarred for a reason. It was not really a BAD thing, but it was to teach me a lesson.

What I've been through does not define WHO I am, WHAT I've made of myself, because without Christ- I'm NOTHING. What others think of me should not affect what I know Jesus has done for me. I know He has set me free- no, that does not mean I live a perfect life. No, that doesn't mean I don't ever mess up. And no, that doesn't mean some people have a hard time forgiving me for what I've done. But I love the word picture When God Ran paints. He forgives. And He loves me none-the-less. I feel so unworthy, but He loves me just the same, even if I wouldn't accept it. I'm flawless- you're flawless. The mistakes you've made don't define you. The scars you have are meant to teach you. To carve you into the person God wants you to be. You don't need to hide them to be perfectly whole.

>>Praise God, we don't have to hide scars
They just (strengthen our wounds), and they soften our hearts.
{They remind us of where we have been, but not who we are}.<<

When It Really Hurts but You Find Love

What on earth am I here for?

I was asking myself this question the other day- when matter of fact was there were some things going on in my life that weren't exactly wished for. Things that did not make me feel very loved, wanted, or at all accepted. 

Then while I was bottling milk Friday, I had lots of time to just stand there and think about everything. Bottling was going extremely good. Everything was going so smooth. Compared to all the other times I had bottled- this time we made absolutely NO mistakes, the bottler wasn't trying to eat any bottles (well, it never tried to, but it would damage the bottles), no bottles had fallen on the floor- I was feeling proud of us. :) And I knew even though it made me happy, it made the boss happier. 

Working closely with people I realize that many to all of us feel the same.  Sometimes we feel forgotten, left out, unwanted. We try everything in our power to become something, make something out of ourselves. But only God has the key. He's the One that makes everything out of nothing. He's the One that makes less than desirable things happen. He's the One who sent His only Son to die for me. Isn't that reason enough to feel loved? I mean, if you were in a mob and someone pulled a gun to your head- wouldn't you fell absolutely indebted if a lowly, plain dressed- almost ragged man that has air of authority would step in and get shot instead? That's love. He loved you enough to know that there's something else that has to happen in your life before it's your time to leave. 

He loved you and wants to know you very personally. He wants to know what makes you upset, He wants to know when you're hurt. And even though He already knows- He wants to hear it straight from you.

He cares. 

Where He leads, I will follow.

I want to make Him happy- making Him happy makes me happy.

To Help and Be Helped

You know that moment you know you should be freeing yourself from the torment. The pain you've been dealing with for the last several years. But it scares you. You don't want to feel that raw, open pain. Being ripped apart, so vulnerable to outside world? But you know after the pain is gone then comes the happiness, the joy you see in others lives who have already become so vulnerable.

The brokenness. The pain. The vulnerability. The trust. It all takes time, but in the end you will look back and never regret it.

We never experience something Jesus didn't deal with. He knows. He understands. And He wants you to live free. Free of guilt. Free of shame. Free of hiding.

You will NEVER regret it. Not once.

kintsukuroi (n.) (v.phr.) "to repair with gold"; the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken

Jesus can kintsukuroi. But only if you let him.

Heal The Wound

I used to wish that I could rewrite history

I used to dream that each mistake could be erased

Then I could just pretend

I never knew me back then

I used to pray that You would take this shame away

Hide all the evidence of who I've been

But it's the memory of

The place You brought me from

That keeps me on my knees

And even though I'm free

Heal the wound but leave the scar

A reminder of how merciful You are

I am broken, torn apart

Take the pieces of this heart

And heal the wound but leave the scar

I have not lived a life that boasts of anything

I don't take pride in what I bring

But I'll build an altar with

The rubble that You've found me in

And every stone will sing

Of what You can redeem

Don't let me forget

Everything You've done for me

Don't let me forget

The beauty in the suffering

My prayer is each of you would find healing in your suffering. Jesus dealt with the pain. He hung on that cross for you. For me. He could have hung there. The pain wouldn't have had to register. But it did. He let it. He understood what you and I would go through. He wanted to save us.

Praise Jesus!