of jars and scars.

One of my pet peeves is reused jars that still have the wrap-around label on them...

AND SO... This morning I was washing the breakfast dishes and... there was two of those horrible jars... It was nearing 8:00 and I really should have been going to work, but I scrubbed those crazy labels off- or at least I tried. That glue stuck hard, I laid it- glue down into the water and hoped that till I finished the rest of the dishes it would decide the use of sticking was no longer revelant. And then it struck me- that jar was scarred. It as scarred for a reason. It was not really a BAD thing, but it was to teach me a lesson.

What I've been through does not define WHO I am, WHAT I've made of myself, because without Christ- I'm NOTHING. What others think of me should not affect what I know Jesus has done for me. I know He has set me free- no, that does not mean I live a perfect life. No, that doesn't mean I don't ever mess up. And no, that doesn't mean some people have a hard time forgiving me for what I've done. But I love the word picture When God Ran paints. He forgives. And He loves me none-the-less. I feel so unworthy, but He loves me just the same, even if I wouldn't accept it. I'm flawless- you're flawless. The mistakes you've made don't define you. The scars you have are meant to teach you. To carve you into the person God wants you to be. You don't need to hide them to be perfectly whole.

>>Praise God, we don't have to hide scars
They just (strengthen our wounds), and they soften our hearts.
{They remind us of where we have been, but not who we are}.<<

vision.

There is one thing that is seemingly getting lost in this generation. It's the vision. The vision of following Jesus. Doing what Jesus did. Giving God our lives, ultimately our hearts. 

There's people I grew up with that seem to care less about God. Yeah, they show up at church on Sunday, but they don't have CHURCH in their heads, in their hearts. Church is pretty much for the party, getting together afterwards talking about the latest car or... whatever! 

To be honest, it scares me. Maybe I shouldn't let it bother me. But really, I think something needs to happen. I definitely do not have the answers, because I've seen children of men and women I admire turn to living just like they want. That is not freedom. It's bondage. Bondage to the one who loves to lie, pulls the wool over your eyes and tells you you're ok. Like seriously the Bible never says that it's wrong. But people today are asking the wrong question, the question is not "What's wrong with it?" but "What's RIGHT with it?" It took me a very long time to get this concept- and to be completely honest- parts of it still puzzle me. For example, there is really nothing wrong with listening to country music, but really, what is right about it?

How many of us will continue sharing the vision of living lives that Jesus would have us live? How many of our children will share that vision? Grand-children? When you put life into perspective of eternity- life is really short. We only live once. We've got to live it right. God made that way- if only we'd believe, entrust our lives to His will and follow His lead.

I pray each of us would pass the VISION on to the coming generations.

when did it happen?

And so, today found me- awake by 4:30 and at work before 5. The cloudy, cold atmosphere made everyone wish for a blanket, good book, {coffee}, and some music. AND... guess what, I got just that. Well, minus the blanket, I'm quite okay without. :) And after my coffee, I got the second cup of [fresh, hot cider]. The raindrops hit the window- racing to the bottom, the leaves- they are making their way the earth's green floor. It's October. A beautiful time of year- really what time isn't?

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Working through difficult things isn't fun.

Much less watching your friends be hurt and stay hurt isn't fun either. That's why I try my best to help where I can. I know how it feels to be hurt. Rejected. I know the freedom I feel, why wouldn't someone want to accept the Love Jesus offers. But teens of this age and time no longer see the need for Him in their life. (Oh, how ironic coming from a teen, eh?)

And so as I was thinking over this all, it came to me- when did the church at large start losing it? When did they start losing Jesus? When they started allowing cars? Sunday School? Music? Different styles of head-coverings--or none at all?  Youth outings?

I believe with all my heart- it was actually when the appearance became more "saving" than a heart experience. When the size of the head-covering became a "life or death" issue. When suspenders became mandatory. And the size of check you tithed made you "buddy buddy" with the preacher. and When Pastors became "holier than thou".

It's so sad to see some so conservative. Wrapped and twisted into tradition and don't know why they do things, except out of fear for what may happen (to their church membership) and what people will say.

Life is much more than trying to please man. You won't ever please everyone. I'm sorry if you're convinced you can. You're wrong.

Only Jesus can give you the {Peace} you've been looking for.

We Are Yours -I Am They

rubies camp 2015.

And with a grateful, over flowing heart, I present to you-

These ladies have taught me so much about myself. About others. And most importantly drew me closer to God- knowing I could not make it on my own.

We had a great week including

• getting rained out while playing softball
• Jug-A-Lug
• Swimming
• Cabin Time / Talking
• Devotions / Sharing
• Life Stories / Sharing Time around the Camp-fire
• watching God work in their hearts 
• all the wonderful food including the Pizza we won for Cleanest Cabin! :)
• "Of course you can't play with us! You don't have a shiny scale to play flash tag!"
• Clifton's blessing- the "Ticklish Reuben" song
• Trevor doing like 130 push-ups (nearly double his record)
• Pastor Jeff sitting on our barrel in "Slingshots"
• the party Thursday night / watching for meteors
• the huge spiders downstairs

And of course, many other things like Mini-Classes and Creek Walks...

Sooo. Here's the picture tour of our week... :)

Pastor Jeff in "Water Balloon Slingshots"

and who DOESN'T like getting mail?

whoever would have thought this stuff
would come in so handy?!

the EPIC fail

And with that we ended a very wonderful week. A week that will never be forgotten. Maybe to a degree, but not totally. Each of us will remember something. If it isn't something I did. We did. Jeff said. Trevor did. We will remember what God did! 
Love each of you beautiful ladies!

When It Really Hurts but You Find Love

What on earth am I here for?

I was asking myself this question the other day- when matter of fact was there were some things going on in my life that weren't exactly wished for. Things that did not make me feel very loved, wanted, or at all accepted. 

Then while I was bottling milk Friday, I had lots of time to just stand there and think about everything. Bottling was going extremely good. Everything was going so smooth. Compared to all the other times I had bottled- this time we made absolutely NO mistakes, the bottler wasn't trying to eat any bottles (well, it never tried to, but it would damage the bottles), no bottles had fallen on the floor- I was feeling proud of us. :) And I knew even though it made me happy, it made the boss happier. 

Working closely with people I realize that many to all of us feel the same.  Sometimes we feel forgotten, left out, unwanted. We try everything in our power to become something, make something out of ourselves. But only God has the key. He's the One that makes everything out of nothing. He's the One that makes less than desirable things happen. He's the One who sent His only Son to die for me. Isn't that reason enough to feel loved? I mean, if you were in a mob and someone pulled a gun to your head- wouldn't you fell absolutely indebted if a lowly, plain dressed- almost ragged man that has air of authority would step in and get shot instead? That's love. He loved you enough to know that there's something else that has to happen in your life before it's your time to leave. 

He loved you and wants to know you very personally. He wants to know what makes you upset, He wants to know when you're hurt. And even though He already knows- He wants to hear it straight from you.

He cares. 

Where He leads, I will follow.

I want to make Him happy- making Him happy makes me happy.

my Mom

My Mom is an absolute beauty.

Her heart is even prettier. She loves so deeply. She puts so much time in to us. 

For last 2 decades she's supplied us with 3 meals almost every single day.  She got up in the wee hours of the morning to pack Daddy a lunch and kiss him good-bye to another long hard day on the road. And start the laundry. Then a couple hours later she'd pull herself out of bed again to get us up and off to school, etc. She's an amazing woman.

Now, Daddy doesn't leave until about 6:45. So it's actually luxury. But her life is still stressful as a home-school Mom, who also works at the farm when needed, and keeps our elderly neighbors flowerbeds and garden. She's seen alot in her 40+ years on this ole earth. You can just see it in those serious, yet happy hazel eyes of hers.

But she's worried. Worried what her children will have to face 10, 20, 30, maybe even 60 years from now. She has wrapped her being in to raising us in a good home. A home where you can see Jesus in everything done. 

She loves to relax and have fun with us all at the cabin. Sing. And just have time to spend with the family. Going on dates with Daddy and walking at the park.

She's amazing. She has contributed a big part to my life. 

We've hurt each-other deeply, but grace is great.

To all the wonderful Moms- you are amazing. Keep up the amazing work. You have girls and boys watching you every moment- gathering information and one day will be following in your footsteps.

Happy Mother's Day!

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Cities intrigue me. Bridges, trains, cars, people.

This weekend we went to the CHAP convention. It's a convention for homeschoolers. 

Had a bunch of fun with these crazy girls.

I was the oldest and it was very obvious too. I went to bed around 10:30- I woke up the next morning and they said- "Yeah, we talked till 3!" Wow! I remember those days! :)

The next morning, we packed up and then went back down to the river. The breeze over the night had cooled everything down- it was gorgeous.

We walked awhile and met a man in a wheelchair. I had suggestion we at least say "Hi". Then he launch into a life story and we talked for awhile. Its amazing what you can learn from older people- sometimes I was hoping he was lying or at least stretching the truth, but he did make a good story teller. :) 

I fell in love with everything. I hope to go back to CHAPs again. It was tons of fun. Meeting people. Making new friends. Hanging out with the crazies. And meeting people, I NEVER expected to meet.