When It Really Hurts but You Find Love

What on earth am I here for?

I was asking myself this question the other day- when matter of fact was there were some things going on in my life that weren't exactly wished for. Things that did not make me feel very loved, wanted, or at all accepted. 

Then while I was bottling milk Friday, I had lots of time to just stand there and think about everything. Bottling was going extremely good. Everything was going so smooth. Compared to all the other times I had bottled- this time we made absolutely NO mistakes, the bottler wasn't trying to eat any bottles (well, it never tried to, but it would damage the bottles), no bottles had fallen on the floor- I was feeling proud of us. :) And I knew even though it made me happy, it made the boss happier. 

Working closely with people I realize that many to all of us feel the same.  Sometimes we feel forgotten, left out, unwanted. We try everything in our power to become something, make something out of ourselves. But only God has the key. He's the One that makes everything out of nothing. He's the One that makes less than desirable things happen. He's the One who sent His only Son to die for me. Isn't that reason enough to feel loved? I mean, if you were in a mob and someone pulled a gun to your head- wouldn't you fell absolutely indebted if a lowly, plain dressed- almost ragged man that has air of authority would step in and get shot instead? That's love. He loved you enough to know that there's something else that has to happen in your life before it's your time to leave. 

He loved you and wants to know you very personally. He wants to know what makes you upset, He wants to know when you're hurt. And even though He already knows- He wants to hear it straight from you.

He cares. 

Where He leads, I will follow.

I want to make Him happy- making Him happy makes me happy.

Some Teaching? ALL Teaching

So the sun has dipped behind the mountain

and I finally sit down- to write. Daddy has been bugging me about blogging like I use to for quite some time, and although I thoroughly enjoy it... uh hum! Time? Is there any time to sit down and just blog?! It's like some days I'm up before 5 am and still at work at 9 pm. There ain't no way I'm finding time to blog in my week!!!

But after this morning's wonderful sermon and the hike up to Eagle Rock...

They really are such a sweet couple!!! :)

I decided I have time to blog, SO here I am!

Well, when I was in school- like 1st & 2nd grade, I admired my teachers- and rightly so, but now that I'm older- I realize they had flaws like any one of us. And along with admiring them I, too, wanted to teach school. Well, somewhere along the way that teaching desire diminished and I wanted to become a RN. But of course, now here I am, a common farm girl. (And... I love my job, by the way!!) But still, teaching is something that happens in everyday life. We are always teaching each other something at the farm- whether it's good or bad! And I found a note in my Bible this morning that really hit me-

Yeah! It never hit me that hard before. I have made some great friendships at the farm- with complete strangers, what do they see in my life? I especially think of this lovely lady-

Samantha was raised in a home that was anything but Christian. Miraculously, both her and her boyfriend are here- after a horrific accident. She means so much to me and my life. I will never forget the times we hung out together, going to work early , and just working together. The questions we worked through together, the many questions she still has about Mennonites and the answers I will have to give even though they go against my grain! (Because of church differences.) She has an amazing testimony and she isn't scared to share it! Friday she'll be going to Roxbury Treatment Center and will be sharing a short version of it. She'll definitely need prayer!

Back to what I was saying- I work with her every single day of the week. And with her upbringing and all, I'm sure my lifestyle is teaching her alot. It's pretty much up to me (with God's help) to show her what's right and wrong- in everyday life. What is my life teaching her (or anyone looking on)? Is it what I want to see in this falling world when I'm old and a stooped Grandma?

God willing, we'll (Samantha & I) can forever be great friends and will grow old together and have baking days where there's only a little bit of dough left and we share it, and drink chai together, and share silly secrets, and talk about really deep subjects. I hope that never ends!

We don't often think about our neighbors watching us closely, but I've come to realize ours keep a close eye on us and how do they say we live, does our talk and our walk line up? Or do we do some stuff Monday- Saturday that would never happen on a Sunday? (That, of course, is other than work!)

Remember we always teach MORE by how we LIVE.

Words

"Sticks and stones can break the bone, but words can never hurt me."

It's a proverb most of us have heard- one that we may even have quoted. I definitely remember quoting it, especially when I was hurt by what someone said, I often cover up things like that- not just because i don't want to hurt them, because they hurt me back, but because, if I stay hurt for too long- I start forming bitter attitudes towards them and from there everything goes DOWN.

Words can also do the opposite- they make you feel AMAZING! (Like the time the whole office down at work exploded with hooting and congratulations after I announced I FINALLY got brave enough to drink my first pint of milk- don't laugh! I hated milk-- & I still can't say I absolutely LOVE it, but hey! I'm drinking it now!!! ;)) To say the least, I felt extremely good- it was kinda like that feeling you get when you finally see a friend you haven't seen in ages and you give each-other a gigantic hug- it's just an amazing un-explainable feeling...

I know- I haven't always been so good at handing out encouraging words, actually, sadly, a fair amount of them are the complete opposite- tearing someone down, making them feel like dirt. It's awful- especially to family- I'm not so cautious what I say to family- the ones I'm around every day and they start getting to me- the laundry scattered across the floor, the trucks in the middle of the floor- not realizing it, stepping on them and having the stacks poke your foot, really gets those words to fly (& maybe even some choice words- pre-picked for the occasion)!!

And then again- I've also handed out some praise- but it's highly outweighed by words fit to be never said.

I have come to conclusion that this world would be an extremely different place to live if we learned how and when to use our words correctly. Some people hand out compliments almost too easily- flattering many. Some of us know how to put someone back a step or 2...  

This song explains my feelings pretty well. 

*Let my words be life, Let my words be truth. 
I don't wanna say a word- Unless it points the world back to You.*