of jars and scars.

One of my pet peeves is reused jars that still have the wrap-around label on them...

AND SO... This morning I was washing the breakfast dishes and... there was two of those horrible jars... It was nearing 8:00 and I really should have been going to work, but I scrubbed those crazy labels off- or at least I tried. That glue stuck hard, I laid it- glue down into the water and hoped that till I finished the rest of the dishes it would decide the use of sticking was no longer revelant. And then it struck me- that jar was scarred. It as scarred for a reason. It was not really a BAD thing, but it was to teach me a lesson.

What I've been through does not define WHO I am, WHAT I've made of myself, because without Christ- I'm NOTHING. What others think of me should not affect what I know Jesus has done for me. I know He has set me free- no, that does not mean I live a perfect life. No, that doesn't mean I don't ever mess up. And no, that doesn't mean some people have a hard time forgiving me for what I've done. But I love the word picture When God Ran paints. He forgives. And He loves me none-the-less. I feel so unworthy, but He loves me just the same, even if I wouldn't accept it. I'm flawless- you're flawless. The mistakes you've made don't define you. The scars you have are meant to teach you. To carve you into the person God wants you to be. You don't need to hide them to be perfectly whole.

>>Praise God, we don't have to hide scars
They just (strengthen our wounds), and they soften our hearts.
{They remind us of where we have been, but not who we are}.<<

when did it happen?

And so, today found me- awake by 4:30 and at work before 5. The cloudy, cold atmosphere made everyone wish for a blanket, good book, {coffee}, and some music. AND... guess what, I got just that. Well, minus the blanket, I'm quite okay without. :) And after my coffee, I got the second cup of [fresh, hot cider]. The raindrops hit the window- racing to the bottom, the leaves- they are making their way the earth's green floor. It's October. A beautiful time of year- really what time isn't?

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Working through difficult things isn't fun.

Much less watching your friends be hurt and stay hurt isn't fun either. That's why I try my best to help where I can. I know how it feels to be hurt. Rejected. I know the freedom I feel, why wouldn't someone want to accept the Love Jesus offers. But teens of this age and time no longer see the need for Him in their life. (Oh, how ironic coming from a teen, eh?)

And so as I was thinking over this all, it came to me- when did the church at large start losing it? When did they start losing Jesus? When they started allowing cars? Sunday School? Music? Different styles of head-coverings--or none at all?  Youth outings?

I believe with all my heart- it was actually when the appearance became more "saving" than a heart experience. When the size of the head-covering became a "life or death" issue. When suspenders became mandatory. And the size of check you tithed made you "buddy buddy" with the preacher. and When Pastors became "holier than thou".

It's so sad to see some so conservative. Wrapped and twisted into tradition and don't know why they do things, except out of fear for what may happen (to their church membership) and what people will say.

Life is much more than trying to please man. You won't ever please everyone. I'm sorry if you're convinced you can. You're wrong.

Only Jesus can give you the {Peace} you've been looking for.

We Are Yours -I Am They

When It Really Hurts but You Find Love

What on earth am I here for?

I was asking myself this question the other day- when matter of fact was there were some things going on in my life that weren't exactly wished for. Things that did not make me feel very loved, wanted, or at all accepted. 

Then while I was bottling milk Friday, I had lots of time to just stand there and think about everything. Bottling was going extremely good. Everything was going so smooth. Compared to all the other times I had bottled- this time we made absolutely NO mistakes, the bottler wasn't trying to eat any bottles (well, it never tried to, but it would damage the bottles), no bottles had fallen on the floor- I was feeling proud of us. :) And I knew even though it made me happy, it made the boss happier. 

Working closely with people I realize that many to all of us feel the same.  Sometimes we feel forgotten, left out, unwanted. We try everything in our power to become something, make something out of ourselves. But only God has the key. He's the One that makes everything out of nothing. He's the One that makes less than desirable things happen. He's the One who sent His only Son to die for me. Isn't that reason enough to feel loved? I mean, if you were in a mob and someone pulled a gun to your head- wouldn't you fell absolutely indebted if a lowly, plain dressed- almost ragged man that has air of authority would step in and get shot instead? That's love. He loved you enough to know that there's something else that has to happen in your life before it's your time to leave. 

He loved you and wants to know you very personally. He wants to know what makes you upset, He wants to know when you're hurt. And even though He already knows- He wants to hear it straight from you.

He cares. 

Where He leads, I will follow.

I want to make Him happy- making Him happy makes me happy.

Words

"Sticks and stones can break the bone, but words can never hurt me."

It's a proverb most of us have heard- one that we may even have quoted. I definitely remember quoting it, especially when I was hurt by what someone said, I often cover up things like that- not just because i don't want to hurt them, because they hurt me back, but because, if I stay hurt for too long- I start forming bitter attitudes towards them and from there everything goes DOWN.

Words can also do the opposite- they make you feel AMAZING! (Like the time the whole office down at work exploded with hooting and congratulations after I announced I FINALLY got brave enough to drink my first pint of milk- don't laugh! I hated milk-- & I still can't say I absolutely LOVE it, but hey! I'm drinking it now!!! ;)) To say the least, I felt extremely good- it was kinda like that feeling you get when you finally see a friend you haven't seen in ages and you give each-other a gigantic hug- it's just an amazing un-explainable feeling...

I know- I haven't always been so good at handing out encouraging words, actually, sadly, a fair amount of them are the complete opposite- tearing someone down, making them feel like dirt. It's awful- especially to family- I'm not so cautious what I say to family- the ones I'm around every day and they start getting to me- the laundry scattered across the floor, the trucks in the middle of the floor- not realizing it, stepping on them and having the stacks poke your foot, really gets those words to fly (& maybe even some choice words- pre-picked for the occasion)!!

And then again- I've also handed out some praise- but it's highly outweighed by words fit to be never said.

I have come to conclusion that this world would be an extremely different place to live if we learned how and when to use our words correctly. Some people hand out compliments almost too easily- flattering many. Some of us know how to put someone back a step or 2...  

This song explains my feelings pretty well. 

*Let my words be life, Let my words be truth. 
I don't wanna say a word- Unless it points the world back to You.*

Totally Abandoned

Abandoned! The very sound of the word shocks my heart.

¹aban·don

 transitive verb \ə-ˈban-dən\

: to leave and never return to (someone who needs
protection or help)

: to leave and never return to (something)

: to leave (a place) because of danger

1

a :  to give up to the control or influence of another person or agent

b :  to give up with the intent of never again claiming a right or interest in <abandon property>

2

:  to withdraw from often in the face of danger or encroachment <abandon ship>

3

:  to withdraw protection, support, or help from <he abandoned his family>

4

:  to give (oneself) over unrestrainedly

5

a :  to cease from maintaining, practicing, or using<abandoned their native language>

b :  to cease intending or attempting to perform <abandoned the escape>

While I was watching people stroll the halls of the mall the other evening, I was bored, tired, & couldn't stay focused on my books- that I probably SHOULD be reading, and music didn't appeal to me. But finally I saw a familiar face in the hall! A girl from Bible Study. She always seemed quiet and reserved, and yet, she was extremely fun to hang out with. 

What bothered me though was she saw me and didn't even attempt to wave or anything. I felt ABANDONED! Like she never wanted to see me in the first place. As I sat there feeling kind of sorry for myself, Jesus stepped in and said, "Look, Luronda, you've been doing this same thing to Me for a long time already.You haven't made much effort to come and enjoy what I have for you to revel in, instead, you work from before the sun's up till long after it's down, and never even take 10 min. for Me. Do you think I feel abandoned too?"

That hit me HARD. Here I was- rushing from one job to the next, wearing myself out- so that till I returned home again I was drained and in need of a bed, thinking tomorrow I'll have more time- I can take 10 or so extra minutes in my "Jesus time". 

How many of us abandon Him? We have so much going we decide that work is more important, sleep is more needed, and time hanging out with friends is necessary than taking time for Jesus to move in our lives and show us that He is the Most High- the most needed Person in our lives. My desire is to be Abandoned in Christ- then whether I feel left behind or unaccepted- I can be reassured that Jesus is beside me- no matter where I am- and He will never leave me- if I never leave Him!

Gossip

In our churches today, Satan has entrapped us by getting us accustomed to gossip that it's nearly something to be expected, and we probably wouldn't admit it's gossip, because we all know how 'sinful' gossip is! We'd cover it up by saying, "Hey, did you hear the latest news about so-and-so? They..." I have heard some people say, "Did you hear the latest gossip?" But wow! They were very brave to say that. Obviously it didn't face them to actually admit they were gossiping, either they had worn their conscience thin or they were never taught in the first place that gossip is wrong.

Now if you knew me well, I wouldn't have to say this... But I hate gossip, I guess I've had enough people believe everything they hear about me and well, it makes for some bad attitudes and such like. Even when a person doesn't believe it, but comes and asks you about it anyway- either it'll make you cry or laugh that there's such a messed up story out about you.  

For example, I'll use the most recent story out about me- one that really cracks me up- it's so off the wall something I wouldn't even consider doing. That's why it's so funny...

Yesterday morning when I took the guys to school we noticed that someone had done donuts in the middle of the parking lot. It was perfect conditions! Snowy, icy... Yeah, I agree, it probably was very fun! The boys desperately wanted me to, but... I didn't feel like being stupid. 

(Now if you take that as me thinking you're stupid if you do, DON'T! That's not what I'm meaning! I understand guys like having fun & that's part of it!) 

And then last night at PTA mtg.- 

In which I had no desire of going to, but didn't feel like keeping the boys occupied for the whole evening- 

nearly everyone had left and the principal was rounding up his kiddos- after he had finished putting on his son's jacket he turned around a just stood there- yeah, that awkward moment- when you know you should say something and you just don't know what to say! Then he gets this funny grin on his face and says,"Heard you were writing your signature out there in the snow on the driveway!" I probably gave him the blankest look- I'm like What!? I'm so lost, what are you trying to get at? Then he says, pointing at his wife, "Yeah, that's what her dad called it." I probably got an even blanker expression on my face but at least I was innocent! :) Then he said, "Your brother was telling us about how you were doing donuts on the drive this morning." And I'm thinking, "Yeah right! In his wildest dream I did donuts on the school parking lot!" 

As it turned out- my brother did not say anything about ME doing donuts in the parking lot, except that he wanted me too, after seeing someone else had done it. And the story got messed up, and they believed I was the one doing the donuts! 

No, it didn't hurt me, but it sure was funny!! 

I had to think about all the stories I may have passed around in my lifetime that sounded true, but were a little tweaked, and they sounded just a little better if I emphasized the RIGHT words. (or should that be the WRONG words!?) :) No, I didn't really changed the story, and I didn't know if the story was exactly true, but, it sounded like something they would do and so I believed it and passed it on to my other friends who would like to hear this "amazing" story about so-and-so... And then it went on down the line and got those overly emphasized words changed to a synonym that made it sound a little worse, maybe a minor detail changed slightly, and then when it comes back to the person who started the story or even the victim of the story, it can hurt them very much. Especially if they're the kind to get hurt easily. 

 And in the case of the story above- he probably didn't change a thing. But he misunderstood what was being said and I guess I could've let it hurt me, but what would be the point? It would only result in a bad attitude towards him & I don't think that's the way a Christian is suppose to live- actually  I KNOW that's the not the way. We are to love each other, and when you have a bad attitude-- you may-as-well plan on saying good-bye to love!

   As for me- I have gotten myself hurt, others hurt, and even my authorities hurt by trying to stop gossip, but I know that I was trying to save the person from the embarrassment. I don't care how true the story was, I don't want that person hurting any more than they are! Many people gossip about people they cannot stand and so they're attitude towards them only gets uglier. 

We can stop gossip if we determine in our hearts to not spread everything we hear about a person. It can hurt you both AND it also gives them the licence to spread ugly stories about you.