when did it happen?

And so, today found me- awake by 4:30 and at work before 5. The cloudy, cold atmosphere made everyone wish for a blanket, good book, {coffee}, and some music. AND... guess what, I got just that. Well, minus the blanket, I'm quite okay without. :) And after my coffee, I got the second cup of [fresh, hot cider]. The raindrops hit the window- racing to the bottom, the leaves- they are making their way the earth's green floor. It's October. A beautiful time of year- really what time isn't?

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Working through difficult things isn't fun.

Much less watching your friends be hurt and stay hurt isn't fun either. That's why I try my best to help where I can. I know how it feels to be hurt. Rejected. I know the freedom I feel, why wouldn't someone want to accept the Love Jesus offers. But teens of this age and time no longer see the need for Him in their life. (Oh, how ironic coming from a teen, eh?)

And so as I was thinking over this all, it came to me- when did the church at large start losing it? When did they start losing Jesus? When they started allowing cars? Sunday School? Music? Different styles of head-coverings--or none at all?  Youth outings?

I believe with all my heart- it was actually when the appearance became more "saving" than a heart experience. When the size of the head-covering became a "life or death" issue. When suspenders became mandatory. And the size of check you tithed made you "buddy buddy" with the preacher. and When Pastors became "holier than thou".

It's so sad to see some so conservative. Wrapped and twisted into tradition and don't know why they do things, except out of fear for what may happen (to their church membership) and what people will say.

Life is much more than trying to please man. You won't ever please everyone. I'm sorry if you're convinced you can. You're wrong.

Only Jesus can give you the {Peace} you've been looking for.

We Are Yours -I Am They

Totally Abandoned

Abandoned! The very sound of the word shocks my heart.

¹aban·don

 transitive verb \ə-ˈban-dən\

: to leave and never return to (someone who needs
protection or help)

: to leave and never return to (something)

: to leave (a place) because of danger

1

a :  to give up to the control or influence of another person or agent

b :  to give up with the intent of never again claiming a right or interest in <abandon property>

2

:  to withdraw from often in the face of danger or encroachment <abandon ship>

3

:  to withdraw protection, support, or help from <he abandoned his family>

4

:  to give (oneself) over unrestrainedly

5

a :  to cease from maintaining, practicing, or using<abandoned their native language>

b :  to cease intending or attempting to perform <abandoned the escape>

While I was watching people stroll the halls of the mall the other evening, I was bored, tired, & couldn't stay focused on my books- that I probably SHOULD be reading, and music didn't appeal to me. But finally I saw a familiar face in the hall! A girl from Bible Study. She always seemed quiet and reserved, and yet, she was extremely fun to hang out with. 

What bothered me though was she saw me and didn't even attempt to wave or anything. I felt ABANDONED! Like she never wanted to see me in the first place. As I sat there feeling kind of sorry for myself, Jesus stepped in and said, "Look, Luronda, you've been doing this same thing to Me for a long time already.You haven't made much effort to come and enjoy what I have for you to revel in, instead, you work from before the sun's up till long after it's down, and never even take 10 min. for Me. Do you think I feel abandoned too?"

That hit me HARD. Here I was- rushing from one job to the next, wearing myself out- so that till I returned home again I was drained and in need of a bed, thinking tomorrow I'll have more time- I can take 10 or so extra minutes in my "Jesus time". 

How many of us abandon Him? We have so much going we decide that work is more important, sleep is more needed, and time hanging out with friends is necessary than taking time for Jesus to move in our lives and show us that He is the Most High- the most needed Person in our lives. My desire is to be Abandoned in Christ- then whether I feel left behind or unaccepted- I can be reassured that Jesus is beside me- no matter where I am- and He will never leave me- if I never leave Him!

The Donkey In Me

I had an hour to stand and think over how donkey-ish I can be sometimes... Dominic was chasing the boys so I ran down to hold him, (believe me-don't try that. You'll be wishing you wouldn't have after you have to go to the chiropractor, ‘cause he threw your back out of whack. And if you get asthma like me, you'll have to deal with that too.) But I had to think while I was standing there and he wasn't bucking around so bad, many times I stand and buck at what authority- and even what God, wants for me. Often I like grabbing the pen out of God's hands and writing my own story. I like my life to be just the way I want it to be- the way I dreamed, thought out, and planned. But sometimes what God has in store is so very different. He wants to write my story, in even a more orderly, and more beautiful fashion, to the point that I cannot understated why I can smile when only sad things seem to happen and when things do not go the way had expected them to. Only with God's amazing hand in our life can we enjoy life at its fullest- otherwise we have everything and anything to worry us.

Gossip

In our churches today, Satan has entrapped us by getting us accustomed to gossip that it's nearly something to be expected, and we probably wouldn't admit it's gossip, because we all know how 'sinful' gossip is! We'd cover it up by saying, "Hey, did you hear the latest news about so-and-so? They..." I have heard some people say, "Did you hear the latest gossip?" But wow! They were very brave to say that. Obviously it didn't face them to actually admit they were gossiping, either they had worn their conscience thin or they were never taught in the first place that gossip is wrong.

Now if you knew me well, I wouldn't have to say this... But I hate gossip, I guess I've had enough people believe everything they hear about me and well, it makes for some bad attitudes and such like. Even when a person doesn't believe it, but comes and asks you about it anyway- either it'll make you cry or laugh that there's such a messed up story out about you.  

For example, I'll use the most recent story out about me- one that really cracks me up- it's so off the wall something I wouldn't even consider doing. That's why it's so funny...

Yesterday morning when I took the guys to school we noticed that someone had done donuts in the middle of the parking lot. It was perfect conditions! Snowy, icy... Yeah, I agree, it probably was very fun! The boys desperately wanted me to, but... I didn't feel like being stupid. 

(Now if you take that as me thinking you're stupid if you do, DON'T! That's not what I'm meaning! I understand guys like having fun & that's part of it!) 

And then last night at PTA mtg.- 

In which I had no desire of going to, but didn't feel like keeping the boys occupied for the whole evening- 

nearly everyone had left and the principal was rounding up his kiddos- after he had finished putting on his son's jacket he turned around a just stood there- yeah, that awkward moment- when you know you should say something and you just don't know what to say! Then he gets this funny grin on his face and says,"Heard you were writing your signature out there in the snow on the driveway!" I probably gave him the blankest look- I'm like What!? I'm so lost, what are you trying to get at? Then he says, pointing at his wife, "Yeah, that's what her dad called it." I probably got an even blanker expression on my face but at least I was innocent! :) Then he said, "Your brother was telling us about how you were doing donuts on the drive this morning." And I'm thinking, "Yeah right! In his wildest dream I did donuts on the school parking lot!" 

As it turned out- my brother did not say anything about ME doing donuts in the parking lot, except that he wanted me too, after seeing someone else had done it. And the story got messed up, and they believed I was the one doing the donuts! 

No, it didn't hurt me, but it sure was funny!! 

I had to think about all the stories I may have passed around in my lifetime that sounded true, but were a little tweaked, and they sounded just a little better if I emphasized the RIGHT words. (or should that be the WRONG words!?) :) No, I didn't really changed the story, and I didn't know if the story was exactly true, but, it sounded like something they would do and so I believed it and passed it on to my other friends who would like to hear this "amazing" story about so-and-so... And then it went on down the line and got those overly emphasized words changed to a synonym that made it sound a little worse, maybe a minor detail changed slightly, and then when it comes back to the person who started the story or even the victim of the story, it can hurt them very much. Especially if they're the kind to get hurt easily. 

 And in the case of the story above- he probably didn't change a thing. But he misunderstood what was being said and I guess I could've let it hurt me, but what would be the point? It would only result in a bad attitude towards him & I don't think that's the way a Christian is suppose to live- actually  I KNOW that's the not the way. We are to love each other, and when you have a bad attitude-- you may-as-well plan on saying good-bye to love!

   As for me- I have gotten myself hurt, others hurt, and even my authorities hurt by trying to stop gossip, but I know that I was trying to save the person from the embarrassment. I don't care how true the story was, I don't want that person hurting any more than they are! Many people gossip about people they cannot stand and so they're attitude towards them only gets uglier. 

We can stop gossip if we determine in our hearts to not spread everything we hear about a person. It can hurt you both AND it also gives them the licence to spread ugly stories about you.

Perspectives

 I get annoyed at how people seem to think that some people have life all figured out they have everything at their finger tips and they're just cruising through life like there's nothing to it. But, sad to say, there is people that think like that and they are usually the ones that everyone either look up to or down on those they think are like that, because "they have life better than us". They either are reaching for that goal or saying "Nope, they're crazy, We could never get there, so we aren't gonna be their friend! We need to associate with 'those of our kind.'" Really, What causes issues like that to arise? Is it the comparing- like I talked about on my last post? 

  The truth is that NO ONE has life totally figured out. No one is cruising through life! We all have are ups and downs. AND if you changed your perspective and get to know the person better you'll end up realizing that they aren't as perfect as you thought. They have their days that are bad. They worry about their finances. They have the same problems everyone else faces, but they react differently. They don't get 'all up in the air' and call every person about their financial state and ask for funds to help them get back above the water. They may be broke, have several thousand dollar debts, maybe their mortgage is due and they have no money to pay it, but still they hang on and just wait on God to move. He makes it work out... AND  they didn't cry to their friends about their financial state. 

      Although there isn't usually easy fixes to problems. We usually make them worse by getting ourselves all worked up about them. 

 I once read of a lady who decided that she wasn't going to tell anyone about the mountain she was facing. She desperately wanted to call her best friend, she even picked up the phone several times and dialed her number, but decided this was a journey she was to take by herself. That night as she lay in bed she poured out her heart to God and He answered her prayer the very next day. Isn't our God so amazing that He works every minor detail out for our good? 

 I'm not saying that we should never ask a friend for advice or share our heart with them, but truly I have trained myself (I'm not sure if it's for the good or the bad...) to just keep everything to myself, I start feeling like a bother to everyone when I do tell them whats on my mind.

 And yes, that's what my post was about last time. We have to get over feeling like we are inferior to others. But my human tendency is to hold everything in. And then I explode when something really goes bad. I'm trying to break that, but I tell you. IT'S NOT EASY! Only God can help you through it, no friend is going to be able to help you break that habit. 

 Sometimes when someone asks advice about something- I'd like to give them cold cut, black and white answers. but most times they aren't like that. (Today's world has many grey areas!) I guess I have to agree I take time to think through situations like that. I think and think and sometimes I still don't have answers. Especially when you know the person is not really willing to change the way they think! 

I may make no sense at all, (that's why I call my blog 'My Musings' :D) remember this... 

Even if it looks like someone has everything put together. 

They don't, they just react to difficult situations differently.
Change your perspective- it'll probably make all the difference!