fear of the Holy.

It was so revitalizing to come home from an amazing sermon this morning and just think. Ponder. Ponder things in my life. Think about how truly selfish I am... (I'm so thankful God is a forgiving God.)

I also had time to sit, relax, enjoy some *black* coffee, music, and curl up with a book. The book that I flew through at SMBI so that I could accomplish the 600 word essay before the deadline... I thoroughly enjoyed reading it then- it seemed deeper than Tozer, but I think I was reading too fast- trying to comprehend too much. Mike Bickle, the author of Passion for Jesus has inspired me greatly and given me many answers to questions that none-the-less haunted me.

As I was reading, I was searching for a reason why Christians today seem so shallow (this has been a search I've been on for several months). AND I found the answer! (At least, I'm pretty sure I did!) And I can't really say it in another way and be effective, so here goes...

"If we have no fear of God, nor the fear of consequences, then we will easily break His commands. The downward spiral of morality in our society is directly proportional to the loss of our understanding of the greatness of God. In the minds of many who believe there is a God, He is only a little more than an elected official-not to be taken too seriously when we disgrace Him."1 

He continues that God/Jesus is seemingly a Santa Claus now days. SomeOne who rains gifts of Mercy, Love and Grace, but has no Just or Angry attributes. Who judges with simple Love and Mercy? Not even a judge in a physical Court of Law today simply forgives injustice without punishment. God even more so. Tozer says it like this: "Between His attributes no contradictions can exist. He need not suspend one to exercise another, for in Him all His attributes are one."

I believe with all my heart that God will become real to many people in this generation if they open their eyes to the seriousness that the short span of life granted them holds. If their eyes' scales loosen and reveal the true God. The Holy God, the One who is Jealous. But if the people continue to see status more important, hope is slim. (and by the way, it's scary, because often when status is important to someone, it is hidden- the motive is not easily noticed in your own life.) 

The greatness of God is REAL. We have to face it like it's real. Understand it is real and worship Him.

1. Passion for Jesus (Cultivating Extravagant Love for God) by Mike Bickle pg.28

vision.

There is one thing that is seemingly getting lost in this generation. It's the vision. The vision of following Jesus. Doing what Jesus did. Giving God our lives, ultimately our hearts. 

There's people I grew up with that seem to care less about God. Yeah, they show up at church on Sunday, but they don't have CHURCH in their heads, in their hearts. Church is pretty much for the party, getting together afterwards talking about the latest car or... whatever! 

To be honest, it scares me. Maybe I shouldn't let it bother me. But really, I think something needs to happen. I definitely do not have the answers, because I've seen children of men and women I admire turn to living just like they want. That is not freedom. It's bondage. Bondage to the one who loves to lie, pulls the wool over your eyes and tells you you're ok. Like seriously the Bible never says that it's wrong. But people today are asking the wrong question, the question is not "What's wrong with it?" but "What's RIGHT with it?" It took me a very long time to get this concept- and to be completely honest- parts of it still puzzle me. For example, there is really nothing wrong with listening to country music, but really, what is right about it?

How many of us will continue sharing the vision of living lives that Jesus would have us live? How many of our children will share that vision? Grand-children? When you put life into perspective of eternity- life is really short. We only live once. We've got to live it right. God made that way- if only we'd believe, entrust our lives to His will and follow His lead.

I pray each of us would pass the VISION on to the coming generations.

my time at... SMBI!

Life at SMBI is amazing. (I would have said awesome, but then again- in Discovering Our God we learned that only God is Awesome. Not the new dress, or the car.)

I walked through those doors with mixed feelings. A new place. A new world. And totally new people- other than a handful of friends from back home. Uhh, I guess it was "back home", literally you aren't that far away from home at 45 min. but this was definitely home away from home.

I will have a hard time forgetting the great times we had in (and out) of the SMBI doors. Tour was definitely my favorite part aside from the missions trip we took for Personal Evangelism class to State College.

It was a great time for me to figure out who I really am. I think that every person should experience this- just ask me- I was NEVER going to go to Bible School- there was nothing that was more silly than that!

Starbucks outings

Or the little place I fell in love with- yes, at first sight too. :)

HeBrews Coffee Co.

 I never realized my laugh was such an amazing thing. I guess to me it's just normal, but I had so many people talking about my laugh- really guys, it was embarrassing! But it's ok. :)

A few highlights:

Tournaments

The fruit basket my dear mother prepared for me- instead of eating snack foods

StuCo devotions in the little white chapel

Thanksgiving Vaca at home and with Steph!!

Dressing up like Muslims for Personal Evangelism 

Going to Mercersburg Academy for the Christmas program (and the AWESOME sunset that evening- no the picture doesn't even give 1/4 credit!)

The Girl's dorm Gift Exchange

Melody's Chai in Discovering Our God

Banquet night, the Wolfer's lambs, Mary's song

I never realized while there how secure it was. Everyone had a story, everyone accepted that, everyone was cool with who you were. It didn't really matter if you were "cool" or not. (Or maybe that was something I missed...) If it was feasible, I'd live there- well, no, maybe not... But I am thinking pretty seriously about going back... :) 

I can't think of one thing that happened there that doesn't bring a flood of memories, smiles and maybe even an occasional outburst of laughter- yeah, for those of you who know me- you now what I'm talking about. :)

I pray that each of us will continue to seek God with that fervent love we cultivated at bible school.

when did it happen?

And so, today found me- awake by 4:30 and at work before 5. The cloudy, cold atmosphere made everyone wish for a blanket, good book, {coffee}, and some music. AND... guess what, I got just that. Well, minus the blanket, I'm quite okay without. :) And after my coffee, I got the second cup of [fresh, hot cider]. The raindrops hit the window- racing to the bottom, the leaves- they are making their way the earth's green floor. It's October. A beautiful time of year- really what time isn't?

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Working through difficult things isn't fun.

Much less watching your friends be hurt and stay hurt isn't fun either. That's why I try my best to help where I can. I know how it feels to be hurt. Rejected. I know the freedom I feel, why wouldn't someone want to accept the Love Jesus offers. But teens of this age and time no longer see the need for Him in their life. (Oh, how ironic coming from a teen, eh?)

And so as I was thinking over this all, it came to me- when did the church at large start losing it? When did they start losing Jesus? When they started allowing cars? Sunday School? Music? Different styles of head-coverings--or none at all?  Youth outings?

I believe with all my heart- it was actually when the appearance became more "saving" than a heart experience. When the size of the head-covering became a "life or death" issue. When suspenders became mandatory. And the size of check you tithed made you "buddy buddy" with the preacher. and When Pastors became "holier than thou".

It's so sad to see some so conservative. Wrapped and twisted into tradition and don't know why they do things, except out of fear for what may happen (to their church membership) and what people will say.

Life is much more than trying to please man. You won't ever please everyone. I'm sorry if you're convinced you can. You're wrong.

Only Jesus can give you the {Peace} you've been looking for.

We Are Yours -I Am They

beauty.

Maybe I just tend to be more optimistic than most people. But I love taking walks. Picking wild flowers. Finding joys in dirtiness. Loving deeply. And yeah, getting hurt. It teaches so much.

Beauty isn't just the skin though. Look deeper. Feel. Listen. You don't just SEE beauty.

Try finding something beautiful in each day. The icky. Ugly. And messy. 

And of course, it doesn't take work to find beauty in something that is already beautiful. 

rubies camp 2015.

And with a grateful, over flowing heart, I present to you-

These ladies have taught me so much about myself. About others. And most importantly drew me closer to God- knowing I could not make it on my own.

We had a great week including

• getting rained out while playing softball
• Jug-A-Lug
• Swimming
• Cabin Time / Talking
• Devotions / Sharing
• Life Stories / Sharing Time around the Camp-fire
• watching God work in their hearts 
• all the wonderful food including the Pizza we won for Cleanest Cabin! :)
• "Of course you can't play with us! You don't have a shiny scale to play flash tag!"
• Clifton's blessing- the "Ticklish Reuben" song
• Trevor doing like 130 push-ups (nearly double his record)
• Pastor Jeff sitting on our barrel in "Slingshots"
• the party Thursday night / watching for meteors
• the huge spiders downstairs

And of course, many other things like Mini-Classes and Creek Walks...

Sooo. Here's the picture tour of our week... :)

Pastor Jeff in "Water Balloon Slingshots"

and who DOESN'T like getting mail?

whoever would have thought this stuff
would come in so handy?!

the EPIC fail

And with that we ended a very wonderful week. A week that will never be forgotten. Maybe to a degree, but not totally. Each of us will remember something. If it isn't something I did. We did. Jeff said. Trevor did. We will remember what God did! 
Love each of you beautiful ladies!

listen.

Too many times, I listen to reply. Not understand. I read emails to reply, not fully think through them and understand their heart. I read letters. But do I really understand their heart? Do I understand why? Do I laugh at something that is important to them? 

I pray that I would become the person God wants me to be- listening to understand their heart. Not reply to what was just said.